As I sit here, staring off into the vastness that is the Pacific Ocean, I am teleported back to a time that only continues to exist in the smallest recesses of my mind. A childhood spent coming to the beach, a time of innocence lost. Feeling the sand under my feet as I ran across the sand from the boardwalk to the ocean. Jumping in the water and feeling the ground beneath me move as the ocean worked to draw me out, as the same ocean sent another small wave in to knock me off my feet. Those were the days. The time when I was still a child and had not fully grasped just how cruel the world could be. That just like that ocean pulling me out and doubling back to slap me over, so too would this world. But unlike the ocean waves, you all too often don’t see the wave heading to knock you over in life or the next or the next.
So why am I sitting and writing this on the same beach that sparked so much joy as a child? You see it was just 6 short months ago, February 01, 2024 that I left the place I had been living for over 10 years to join the ever growing ranks of unhoused people. The decision had already been made and plans laid out for me to become unhoused, returning to Los Angeles based on financial constraints and familiarity with the area. The Los Angeles Metro had capped their weekly travel at just $18 per week, provided you have a TAP card, which I did. And even if I did not have one, I could purchase one for just $2, so it made sense. I would return to Los Angeles and use the buses and trains to house myself, and to provide me with travel around the greater LA area.
Besides the familiarity with the area, I had been told by God that this is where my next great adventure would begin. Great adventure of course being my own adage, for I love to turn everything into an adventure. But then again I also love to live an organized life, so there was an itinerary.
But of course as the saying goes, “Man plans and God laughs.” And that is exactly what God has been doing for the past 6 months. Sure he reassures me that I am doing a great job and that He is proud of me. But like ocean waves, what He gives or allows to be given can and often does get taken away to challenge us, to ensure we are placing Him first. So far that amounts to 4 cell phones, 2 laptops, 5 phone chargers, 3 pairs of headphones, and a whole host of other items either stolen from me or simply forgotten on the bus or train. But even with all that loss I still work to stay steadfast with the mission He has for my life, a mission only He truly knows. Sure He provides glimpses of what is on the horizon, but never too much so I don’t go trying to find a shortcut, as Pastor Michael Todd loves to say. This journey is like the Wizard of Oz and the yellow brick road, step and another brick appears. The faster you step, the faster those bricks appear. But you need to stick to the path being revealed before you in order to continue stepping in the right direction. Sure you can, as we often do as humans, veer off course. We love to make our own paths, giving into our ego to be in charge. But the more we veer away from the path God has for us, the more lost and truly isolated we can feel, even in a crowd of fellow human beings.
Coming back to the beach I am reminded of the Merry-Go-Round at the start of the Santa Monica Pier. Not sure just how many times we might have actually gone on it as a child, but I remember the joy I felt riding it. It was an describable joy that only came due to the innocence in my life at the time. Sure I saw glimmers of just how cruel the world could be, but as a child those glimmers seemed to be just that, glimmers. Now as an adult I see those glimmers can last a very long time, especially if you find yourself focusing on the wrong thing, losing sight of the God of the Universe. There was a time when all this trouble seemed so far away.
Santa Monica was not the only beach from my childhood. Some of my childhood was also spent in nearby Venice, which is connected to Santa Monica by way of the boardwalk. It truly is amazing how a windy walk path can connect two places with completely different vibes. You see, Santa Monica is a tourist destination. Santa Monica is at the end of what used to be Route 66, now just a faded past of that iconic road from Chicago through the Pacific Ocean that was overshadowed by the building of highway and freeways. Venice on the other hand, while still attracting visitors doesn’t quite have the same laid back vibes of Santa Monica. The boardwalk in that area is filled more with vendors selling their ware than the vast open boardwalk connecting to Santa Monica. But my fondest memories of visiting the ocean lay in Venice. We lived just a half block from the boardwalk in one direction and half a block from the elementary school I attended at the time in the other. So there were mornings spent at the beach before school.
As I sit here looking out at the vastness of the ocean, the sound of the waves crashing in and rolling back out, the birds cawing in the sky above and even the birds searching the beach for some scraps to eat, I am teleported back to a time when my siblings and I decided we were going to go fishing at MacArthur Park and bring home some catfish. We set out on our adventure with some homemade fishing poles, which were simply sticks with some wire and hooks we fashioned. Our bait was some ready made pop in the can biscuits. We fished our hearts out that day and our reward was 2 fish we brought home for our mother to clean and prepare. Sadly we were disappointed when she told us she did not know how to clean the fish and they ended up being fed to the host of stray cats we had taken in. While the cats were happy with their meal, we were not so happy with the results of our hard work.
I mention this story because now it reminds me of all the work we as humans put in to fish the oceans to the point of overfishing. We create fish farms in the ocean, not as a way to help repair the damage we have caused to sensitive food chains, but as a way to supplement our own savagery. Even as we realize we get the vast majority of the oxygen we need to survive and thrive from the ocean and from the forests on this our collective home. But even armed with the knowledge that we need to work together to not only do less damage, but also work to repair the damage we have already caused, we continue to contribute more destruction to our home. We continue to exploit the resources available to us, but to what avail? Do we truly believe we have unlimited resources to work with and that some far off in the future solution will solve our problems, simply so we don’t have to change our ways? Of course the answer is yes. Exploitation is sadly what we as humans have done for millennia. Whether that is in the form of domesticating animals into what we aptly call livestock to commodify their bodies or other human beings as we have done time and time again during periods when slavery was not only acceptable, but the way things were done. And if you are against exploitation of animals or humans or any other resource, you are looked down upon as if you somehow think you are better than. If you not only are against exploitation but also vocal against the practice you are mocked and made to feel othered.
Now I look around and see folks with their cellphones out taking photos of themselves, with the very precious resources we exploit, as if to laugh one more time at the oceans we treat as photo props for likes, comments, and shares. I too am guilty of doing just that. Documenting the destruction we collectively cause the one planet we have. Creating videos of the waves coming in and going out, armed with the knowledge that that can all go away with the continued exploitation we cause. Sure the sand beneath our feet and filling in between our toes is an amazing experience. I am not saying we should not enjoy the beauty the Father has provided us or the ability to sell such places as things we should explore, but can we also have some appreciation for and respect for the very things we utilize. As my mom was famous for telling us kids growing up, we should be mindful to pack out what we packed in. Simple advice to do what we can to minimize the damage we cause. Advice to be mindful of just how precious these resources we use as a release from the bushel of day to day stress really are. To do our individual part to ensure these resources are around for not just us to enjoy again, but also so others can enjoy them as well. The father gave us these resources to be mindful of the way we utilize them. We are commanded to be steward over these resources.
Childhood is supposed to be a time of innocence, as we explore the world around us. Sure outside forces such as adults influence on child can affect ones childhood, however when adults affect their own children and then their child affect other children, we can end up with chaos affecting the innocent portions of childhood. Such can be said to some degree with my own childhood. I had my moments where other children would tell me to go tell a girl something in Spanish, something I did not understand what the words meant, as I foolishly went and told the girl, only get my face slapped and angrily spoken to in Spanish by them. Confused I wanted to know what I had told her. Then after realizing I had said something sexual, I was both angry and upset I had said what I said. Some may called that naivete rather than innocence, but whatever you call it childhood is meant to be a time to explore and learn. It is not meant to be a time that is robbed from you, even to a small extent. I often think about Mari Copeny and what she went through at such a young age, facing a water crisis in Flint Michigan. And looking at all she has been able to accomplish in the years since, but not just through the lens of what has been accomplished, but also the lens of what has been lost. Sure, she may still have had a childhood, but at what cost due to outside forces? Did those outside forces alter her view of the world and of those of adults making decisions without even so much a thought of how those changes might affect her, collectively and individually? How different is the path she was placed on from the path she was initially on? Would she be considering a 2044 run for the White House if not for these outside forces? Would I have even ever known this absolutely amazing young women existed if not for the trajectory she was placed on? Would any of us be on altered paths from where we saw ourselves heading as children if not for outside forces altering us? And can we ever regain any of that innocence we had ripped from us?